Thursday, March 31, 2011

Sucker Punch . . . really Sucks

Here is the perfect example of a currently in demand director/writer being given far to much money and every employee attached to said project looking more towards their payday than the actual story audiences are expecting to be shown. I can't imagine that people working on this project, even in it's earliest stages, read this storyline and didn't find themselves confounded as to what was actually going on on screen. I can only imagine this pitch going over similar to a kid I knew in college rambling about some acid trip he'd taken and the jumble of images he awoke with and commendably remembered . . . loosely.

Sucker Punch was written by Steve Shibuya and Zack Snyder as well as directed by the slow-motion obsessed Zack Snyder. Let's start off with what the trailer proposed to audiences all throughout this fall's advertising campaign. We saw hot and scantily clad girls, with kick-ace all era weapons, traversing a highly stylized backdrop including and not limited to WWI trenches, dragon infested castles and a futuristic high speeding train. On top of this we heard the slamming Lords of Acid tune titled The Crablouse.

And now the film's breakdown. The full extent of this film added nothing to what I just told you.
Very simply the trailer is more entertaining than the actual storyline. The act of stringing together scenes from the trailer in one's mind attempting to connect this explosion of images and hot girls is wildly more entertaining than what Zack Snyder came out of production with. So in theory, doing what the thesis of this movie proposes, just making shit up in your head, is the way to experience the most from this TRAILER.

There is a loose storyline revolving around a girl on lobotomy row, due to her Step-Father's ill will. She meets a group of girls that are being whored out within their insane asylum, but have this wild ability to seek solace in their imaginative scenarios. So, there you, the audience will retreat at every possible moment into these girls' dreams. The 30 foot samurai, not real. The massive dragon, not real. And that is all fine and good. But, there needs to be some bit of actuality in the pay off. 

There was another alternate reality film that came out this year that accomplished my proposed style of imaginative reality. You might have heard of it, . . . Inception. 

In Sucker Punch there is a video game aesthetic to it. This mindless tromping through a made up reality with nothing actually posing a threat, due to the fact that the main character "Baby Doll" is quite literally stripping during all of these action scenes. Yes, you read this right. Where as our Inception characters have consequences and elements to their alternate realities which tie their actions all together, these girls have nothing aside from their end goal, to get some object (map, knife, key & a lighter). The aforementioned 30 foot samurai, WWI pressurized zombie soldiers and fire breathing dragon all go without some actual real world counterpart. One could claim that this Dragon parallels as some Mayor in the crowd puffing on a cigar. Here is my point. As Baby Doll strips, another girl is pilfering a lighter off of this Dragon Mayor. The epic on screen air battle involving every character in all reality required two girls, one stripper and one pickpocket.

That is my biggest problem with this movie. Never mind the fact that the end game is escape from the asylum, but not of the character the writers spent 10 seconds in the opening music video to introduce audiences to. I stress here that viewers don't get to actually connect with any of the characters in this film, so the twist at the end isn't significant at all.

Why couldn't Snyder have left this one in story-boarded form and have released it as a comic book. That at least would have saved me the $12 spot I wasted on this movie. Fingers remain crossed Snyder doesn't spoil another Superman reboot, but this mishmash of music video and storyless slow-motion further confirmed that 300 was just about as good as Snyder might get.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Portland Timbers Win! 2-0 v. Chivas USA

Instead of reading Larsson, I found myself glued last night to the Portland Timbers's website for the streaming of their game against Chivas USA in a play-in opportunity within the Lamar Hunt U.S. Open Cup at the University of Portland's Merlo Field. 

The first 15 minutes of play were most nerve-racking, and thankfully  passed scoreless. Which wasn't how the two previous MLS season games had gone over for the Timbers. Whom had allowed goals early in both games against Toronto FC & the Colorado Rapids. Needless to say there was a great energy on the pitch within the Timber ranks and shots on goal were a plenty throughout the first half, 5 to be exact. There were two fantastic one-on-one saves by the third-string goalie, Kiwi Jake Gleeson ensuring Chivas USA could never get a leg up. Jack Jewsbury had an unassisted goal in the 84th minute. It was glorious, and quickly followed up by a corner kick into the net by Eric Brunner, with an assist by the aforementioned Jewsbury. The first two fresh rounds of log were quickly lopped off in front of a cacophonous Timbers Army whilst they celebrated their first win!

The Timbers will follow up this win with a game squared off against the San Jose Earthquakes at a to be determined location and time. Portland will play the New England Revolution this Saturday in their third away game of this the 2011 MLS season.

The Lamar Hunt U.S. Open Cup is the most inclusive soccer competition available in the States. These bouts of sport provide a complete mixing of amateur clubs and professional teams in a single-elimination cup that spans all levels of competitive play.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Stunted within The Hornet's Nest

The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet's Nest
by Stieg Larsson

Here I am quite literally stuck on the 300th page of this book. The first book of this series, The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, is fantastic. Nothing, not even the 2+ hour commute I was committed to could deter me from plowing through those pages. Yes, that is correct, I had 4 or more hours each work day that I was comutting via a pair of Subway trains & multiple MTA Buses from Greenpoint to Manhasset, Long Island. Point being that the time flew by whilst I was reading the first book of the Millenium Trilogy by Stieg Larsson.

This latest, and last, installment has had me crawling from page to page. I've heard this from a few other fellow readers as well, and I want to know what it is that has me so . . . uninterested? That doesn't even feel like the right explative for my bluh mood towards this novel. I love Lisbeth Salander, she is an amazing character with a depth and attitude unlike any female lead I've come across in literature, in the 24 years of experience I've mustered through thus far. 

There is such a lull right now that I have to simply walk away from this post even . . . and grudgingly attempt to get past a few more pages. More on this novel soon, I simply felt compelled to express this frustration. Thanks for giving me a read! Check in soon for more.